Insomniacs Mental Theater

(oh lovely bed that used to bring me so much joy and comfort)

In the last several weeks, well since we moved really, me and the regular sleeping...not getting along so well. Which is really strange because we live in a perfect deep, pitch black, cool and windowless room of sleeping wonderfulness (thanks again Sarah and Ryan for sharing your house!:) I mean seriously, when we lived in a hotel for two months in Bakersfield, CA, we had awesome black out curtains and I vowed that one day I would own black out curtains to make the ultimate sleeping cave!

Now this is not the first time that I have suffered from insomnia. No, my first bought with it started in 4th grade and lasted for a couple years. Then in college it returned, not happening as often, but still often enough to be annoying! While I was teaching, I would most often fall asleep 2 seconds after Richard kissed me goodnight! And while I am a night owl, this is just ridiculous!

So last night as I lay awake until around 4am, I decided that I would post what is usually going on for those hours of not sleeping! And here are the thoughts that sometimes ramble through my head:

• Why can't I sleep? I mean seriously I love it probably more than anything, possibly even my husband if we're being honest! Avalon, go to sleep, go to sleep, just fall asleep...Then again I really have nothing to do tomorrow, so what's the point?
  
• Seriously, why is Richard snoring so loud (not actually that loud), Oh my gosh does he have a deviated septum or something...what is the deal! (in his defense, I sound about as delicate as a warthog with my sleep breathing)
• Man, do I seriously have to go to the bathroom again?! I know that I am not drinking enough water to actually necessitate this...
• I feel that right now my life doesn't seem to have "...meaning, purpose, and direction." I mean I don't have a job, I don't have kids, I live in someone else's basement, I have no idea where I will be living in a couple of weeks, let alone a couple of months...
  
• Oh man, now I feel guilty for thinking that when I know every time I read those words in context, I know it's true. And I know that everything will work out...I am always blessed way more than I deserve, so why can't I just have faith that even though I don't know the plan, He does...
  
• I bet there are spiders that are probably crawling all over our walls right now, and dropping down from the ceiling, and if they crawl on our bed and face I don't want to know...what if they land in my hair and go under my scalp like that nasty episode of "Untold stories of the ER"!!!!
  
• Now I feel guilty for complaining about something so little when Sarah and Ryan have been so nice to let us live here without knowing when we will leave...
• Oh my gosh, seriously...again? Why do I have to get up and go again? I don't have to get up this often when I sleep...
• (Look at the alarm clock) Uh, if I don't fall asleep soon, then I won't sleep for three solid hours before I have to wake up and take my basal temp, and then the results will be skewed and I'll never have enough information to show the doctor, and the vicious cycle will continue on for years and years...
• I wonder if Richard would notice the huge light beam if I turned on the computer monitor and played mahjong???
• I wonder how I'll feel when Sarah and Kerry have their babies...I think about losses that I have experienced
• Man, I am going to be such a horrible, impatient, and mean mother compared to my sister-in-law...She is always so calm and loving towards her kids
  
• What will it be like to actually live somewhere, like for a while and knowing that I won't have to move again in like two years...maybe I could actually make friends...We could buy a house...oh man that will take away all of our money that we have saved so long, but it will be a house, oh but our savings...Maybe we could find a a really nice house for very cheap, then we wouldn't have to spend all of our money. Oh Avalon, stop being so cheap!
  
• I think about all of the struggles that I had with some of my old students, and how I let them down, or lost my patience everyday, and what I should have done better to try and help them

So here is to turning off my brain, and hopefully reconnecting with an old flame...my wonderful, comfortable bed!

Just when we started to like it...well for the most part!

We moved out of Atlanta this week. We lived in Midtown Atlanta for 2 years and it is the longest we have ever lived in one place since we have been married. Thanks Sarah and Ryan for letting us live in your spacious basement for an undetermined amount of time and for feeding us the last few days while we still get our junk together! We ordered the hot plate and washing tub today (just kidding!)Richard is finishing up his project/thesis and should be done at the end of August! We needed to move because our housing lease was up, our rent was increased again and we just love Sarah and Ryan and their family so much that we couldn't wait to be with them all the time! Oh yeah, and we were so done paying $1200 a month to live in 500 square feet.

While both Richard and I were not initially the biggest fans of living in midtown Atlanta, we have to admit that it started to grow on us in the last several months. While we will not miss the noise, all of the lights, a lot of one-way streets, the smells of people cooking (especially when it was fish!), paying to park, being afraid of getting shot, stabbed, and/or robbed while getting our mail, and of course the rent, here are a few things that we will miss about living in Atlanta, right in the middle of everything! These things are in no particular order, but things that we loved or eventually loved!

IKEA - Well living 5 minutes from IKEA. This is more something that I miss more than Richard. I love to go there and just look around;Richard hates it! But living in such a small space with a ton of junk already, I didn't buy a lot there. I know it sounds really stupid, but it was so nice just being able to look around and think about what it would be like to live in a house one day! The Views- Living in downtown (well really Midtown, but you know...) does have some perks. Everyone comes to you. If you work outside of the city, commuting traffic is not that bad; just ask me I did it for, two years! But I do have to admit that we had some nice views to look at. Like this view of the skyline (without zooming) from the hallway by the elevator. Or this little view of our courtyard from our windows (I like trees).









Or the Midtown skyline at night!









Eating! We both enjoy eating...a lot. As there are not a lot of chain resturants in the Midtown area, we had to branch out and find some local spots...and a few chain spots as well! Some of our favorite places to eat were: Tin Drum (so yummy!). Jimmy Johns, Figo's, and many others! As for The Varsity, lets just say that if you go one time to say that you went, you're not going to be missing out on anything by not going back. Although, they do have pretty good onion rings.

Braves Baseball- We went to the Braves games several times since it was only about a 10 minute drive, in traffic, to get to the field! Richard has always been a huge Braves fan, and we both just like going to a baseball game whether it is little league or Turner Field!

• 
• Big huge windows- I will for sure miss these big huge windows that gave us so much natural light and our raised ceilings that made our apartment seem much bigger than it actually was. Thank heaven for living on the top floor!

Our Ward- I am going to be very honest and tell you that we were not very excited to be in our ward for a while. It seemed very overwhelming to us and that there seemed to be so many people that needed help and not enough people to do all of the work, and that nothing would ever change. Being in an inner-city ward is an experience like none other. And while it is so different than any other ward we have ever been in, it is still amazing to me how much the gospel changes individuals, families, and communities and how the church is still true no matter where you are. Many nights we have talked about our amazing Bishop and just how much responsibility he has, only being maybe 2 years older than Richard and having a wife and three boys to take care of on top of this little ward. You can see their family on the new Mormon.org adds here.

But I would say that within the last year of us living there, we both decided that we needed to stop feeling overwhelmed or whatever it was we were feeling and just get to work. We needed to do everything we could to help our ward grow and be stronger, and for us to be a part of it. And I can testify to you that while the ward did change a little and things seemed to improve, it had nothing to do with us and in fact that we were the more blessed party out of that change in attitude. We have had the opportunity to see some pretty crazy stuff in this ward, which has been interesting. But we have also seen how people come to accept the gospel and join in helping others to grow as well. There are so many great people in that ward that we will always remember. We will definitely never forget our time in the Atlanta Ward!

Family- We have loved living so close to Sarah and Ryan, only being 3 hours drive to Richard's parent's house, and a 2 hour drive from there to my brother's house in Charlotte, NC! We have had so much fun being around family again and being able to do Thanksgiving and Christmas and long weekends with our family. While sometimes I get sad about being far away from the rest of my family and missing out on all of the baby blessings and baptisms and ordinations, I am so blessed to be a part of Richard's family and that they make it so easy to be a part of their family. I feel so comfortable around them and if we were to move away from them, I would have the same feelings of missing out that I do with my own family.

So now our 4th move in 4 years is complete...kind of. I promise that we will not live with you for the rest of our lives, Sarah and Ryan. As we got closer to moving, and the boxes were stacking up, and my stress level was rising, Richard would say, "Thanks for always following me around on all of my crazy adventures!" And we have had some adventures for sure. But now we are trying to figure out the next big adventure. We are glad that we were able to have this time in Atlanta, and that it did finally start to grow on us. Here is to hoping that we will grow and learn just as much on our next adventure.

Waiting Game

I find myself with some time, or rather not wanting to do any school work, so here's an update. For the second weekend in a row, I am without a husband. Last week he spent time with his brother Robert and his family. He had a free ticket, it was spring break, so I told him to go and have fun. This weekend, he is off camping it up with the young men/scouts over in South Carolina. Thus I have time.

We have been in Atlanta now for almost 2 years, the longest we have ever lived in one place since we have been married. But Richard will be done with school soon and I'm starting to have flashbacks of my senior year of college. I had a daily planner that I had my life written down in. Every day of every month had some assignment or appointment or lesson plan idea in it, up to April when we graduated. About 2 months before we graduated, I just remember flipping through the pages and looking at May; open blank May, and suppressing a panic attack. Now I like to think I have matured some in my faith and understanding (maybe a little?) and I haven't had a panic attack yet about anything. But I think that is because it's not real to me yet. Maybe because I have so much going on at work and I know that I will have a job until the end of May. Richard has been applying to jobs and working hard, but he hasn't heard anything back yet. So now we flip through the calendar and turn to June and July and say ,"Now what?" While at my little brother's wedding, this seemed to be a wonderful topic to discuss with some of my family members and they wondered, "What are you going to do? You don't have a plan?"

But you know, like I said before, I haven't had a panic attack yet. Sure I think about it and I know that we need to have some sort of plan (and we have come up with some contingency plans, etc.), but I honestly feel like Heavenly Father knows what we need and we are trying to live worthy of blessings from Him and I know that we'll be fine. And I know that my parents would really appreciate us moving in with them, especially at this juncture in their life. :) Just kidding Mom!

So all those of you who say "What's the plan?" I say, we're going to do everything that we can, have faith, and trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Now those of you who know me probably think that I am not writing this, due to my psychotic nature of being a worrier and planned out freak! Don't worry, I haven't lost that, but I have learned some things from the experiences I've had in the last 20 months or so and I'm trying really hard to do it right this time...we'll see if I'm up to the challenge come tomorrow, but I'm trying to have faith that I will be.