Just when we started to like it...well for the most part!

We moved out of Atlanta this week. We lived in Midtown Atlanta for 2 years and it is the longest we have ever lived in one place since we have been married. Thanks Sarah and Ryan for letting us live in your spacious basement for an undetermined amount of time and for feeding us the last few days while we still get our junk together! We ordered the hot plate and washing tub today (just kidding!)Richard is finishing up his project/thesis and should be done at the end of August! We needed to move because our housing lease was up, our rent was increased again and we just love Sarah and Ryan and their family so much that we couldn't wait to be with them all the time! Oh yeah, and we were so done paying $1200 a month to live in 500 square feet.

While both Richard and I were not initially the biggest fans of living in midtown Atlanta, we have to admit that it started to grow on us in the last several months. While we will not miss the noise, all of the lights, a lot of one-way streets, the smells of people cooking (especially when it was fish!), paying to park, being afraid of getting shot, stabbed, and/or robbed while getting our mail, and of course the rent, here are a few things that we will miss about living in Atlanta, right in the middle of everything! These things are in no particular order, but things that we loved or eventually loved!

IKEA - Well living 5 minutes from IKEA. This is more something that I miss more than Richard. I love to go there and just look around;Richard hates it! But living in such a small space with a ton of junk already, I didn't buy a lot there. I know it sounds really stupid, but it was so nice just being able to look around and think about what it would be like to live in a house one day! The Views- Living in downtown (well really Midtown, but you know...) does have some perks. Everyone comes to you. If you work outside of the city, commuting traffic is not that bad; just ask me I did it for, two years! But I do have to admit that we had some nice views to look at. Like this view of the skyline (without zooming) from the hallway by the elevator. Or this little view of our courtyard from our windows (I like trees).









Or the Midtown skyline at night!









Eating! We both enjoy eating...a lot. As there are not a lot of chain resturants in the Midtown area, we had to branch out and find some local spots...and a few chain spots as well! Some of our favorite places to eat were: Tin Drum (so yummy!). Jimmy Johns, Figo's, and many others! As for The Varsity, lets just say that if you go one time to say that you went, you're not going to be missing out on anything by not going back. Although, they do have pretty good onion rings.

Braves Baseball- We went to the Braves games several times since it was only about a 10 minute drive, in traffic, to get to the field! Richard has always been a huge Braves fan, and we both just like going to a baseball game whether it is little league or Turner Field!

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• Big huge windows- I will for sure miss these big huge windows that gave us so much natural light and our raised ceilings that made our apartment seem much bigger than it actually was. Thank heaven for living on the top floor!

Our Ward- I am going to be very honest and tell you that we were not very excited to be in our ward for a while. It seemed very overwhelming to us and that there seemed to be so many people that needed help and not enough people to do all of the work, and that nothing would ever change. Being in an inner-city ward is an experience like none other. And while it is so different than any other ward we have ever been in, it is still amazing to me how much the gospel changes individuals, families, and communities and how the church is still true no matter where you are. Many nights we have talked about our amazing Bishop and just how much responsibility he has, only being maybe 2 years older than Richard and having a wife and three boys to take care of on top of this little ward. You can see their family on the new Mormon.org adds here.

But I would say that within the last year of us living there, we both decided that we needed to stop feeling overwhelmed or whatever it was we were feeling and just get to work. We needed to do everything we could to help our ward grow and be stronger, and for us to be a part of it. And I can testify to you that while the ward did change a little and things seemed to improve, it had nothing to do with us and in fact that we were the more blessed party out of that change in attitude. We have had the opportunity to see some pretty crazy stuff in this ward, which has been interesting. But we have also seen how people come to accept the gospel and join in helping others to grow as well. There are so many great people in that ward that we will always remember. We will definitely never forget our time in the Atlanta Ward!

Family- We have loved living so close to Sarah and Ryan, only being 3 hours drive to Richard's parent's house, and a 2 hour drive from there to my brother's house in Charlotte, NC! We have had so much fun being around family again and being able to do Thanksgiving and Christmas and long weekends with our family. While sometimes I get sad about being far away from the rest of my family and missing out on all of the baby blessings and baptisms and ordinations, I am so blessed to be a part of Richard's family and that they make it so easy to be a part of their family. I feel so comfortable around them and if we were to move away from them, I would have the same feelings of missing out that I do with my own family.

So now our 4th move in 4 years is complete...kind of. I promise that we will not live with you for the rest of our lives, Sarah and Ryan. As we got closer to moving, and the boxes were stacking up, and my stress level was rising, Richard would say, "Thanks for always following me around on all of my crazy adventures!" And we have had some adventures for sure. But now we are trying to figure out the next big adventure. We are glad that we were able to have this time in Atlanta, and that it did finally start to grow on us. Here is to hoping that we will grow and learn just as much on our next adventure.

Waiting Game

I find myself with some time, or rather not wanting to do any school work, so here's an update. For the second weekend in a row, I am without a husband. Last week he spent time with his brother Robert and his family. He had a free ticket, it was spring break, so I told him to go and have fun. This weekend, he is off camping it up with the young men/scouts over in South Carolina. Thus I have time.

We have been in Atlanta now for almost 2 years, the longest we have ever lived in one place since we have been married. But Richard will be done with school soon and I'm starting to have flashbacks of my senior year of college. I had a daily planner that I had my life written down in. Every day of every month had some assignment or appointment or lesson plan idea in it, up to April when we graduated. About 2 months before we graduated, I just remember flipping through the pages and looking at May; open blank May, and suppressing a panic attack. Now I like to think I have matured some in my faith and understanding (maybe a little?) and I haven't had a panic attack yet about anything. But I think that is because it's not real to me yet. Maybe because I have so much going on at work and I know that I will have a job until the end of May. Richard has been applying to jobs and working hard, but he hasn't heard anything back yet. So now we flip through the calendar and turn to June and July and say ,"Now what?" While at my little brother's wedding, this seemed to be a wonderful topic to discuss with some of my family members and they wondered, "What are you going to do? You don't have a plan?"

But you know, like I said before, I haven't had a panic attack yet. Sure I think about it and I know that we need to have some sort of plan (and we have come up with some contingency plans, etc.), but I honestly feel like Heavenly Father knows what we need and we are trying to live worthy of blessings from Him and I know that we'll be fine. And I know that my parents would really appreciate us moving in with them, especially at this juncture in their life. :) Just kidding Mom!

So all those of you who say "What's the plan?" I say, we're going to do everything that we can, have faith, and trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Now those of you who know me probably think that I am not writing this, due to my psychotic nature of being a worrier and planned out freak! Don't worry, I haven't lost that, but I have learned some things from the experiences I've had in the last 20 months or so and I'm trying really hard to do it right this time...we'll see if I'm up to the challenge come tomorrow, but I'm trying to have faith that I will be.

Am I ready to admit it yet?

SPOILER ALERT: This is going to be kind of a downer post, just so you know! What can I say, just call me Debbie Downer! If you really want to know, then keep reading and please don't think too little of me after reading it, because I try really hard not to complain in my life, but I finally got the courage to actually post this.

So I am now going to let you all in on a little secret, although I really don't have a lot of people reading my blog and I'm guessing that most of those who do read my blog really already know about this situation so I guess I'm not surprising anyone here. I'm trying to get pregnant. In fact, I've been trying to get pregnant for the last 16 months, obviously being unsucessful. I've tried basal temperature, ovulation predictor kits, etc., but not happening. The reason that I haven't really told anyone is because I just can't handle talking about it with people, especially if they have eight kids and get pregnant from their husband looking at them. Also, I know that people try and offer advice and they try to make it okay, they ask questions that frankly I don't want to talk to them about or they won't say anything, but just give me a look like, did it happen this month?

And of course they want to know what the doctor has said. Here's the thing: I am paying for my own health insurance right now which means that I will be paying for any fertility treatments that I have to go through p.s. they cost a lot and are can be very invasive. Also, fertility testing isn't exactly the easiest or most convenient testing around meaning that in a one month period, I will probably have to go to the doctor on a weekly sometimes biweekly basis, and have to align my visits with very specific days of my menstrual cycle i.e. the third day, the days before I ovulate, the days following ovulation, etc, which days the doctor thinks this is happening might not actually be the days they are happening. This presents a problem working full time, 45 minutes away from my doctor whose office closes at 4:30, and at a job that does not provide paid sick days, and frown upon you not coming to work saying that you are hurting your kids. Every time I have a day off at school, it happens to be a holiday, which primary care physicians here don't tend to have office hours on these days for some reason. Even if they did, I wouldn't be able to go to follow up appointments due to the whole job thing. It's a viscous cycle!

Besides the money and logistics of fertility testing that I have mentioned above, I have a really hard time admitting that things are wrong or that if things are wrong, I can't fix it myself. I think the thing that scares me the most about going to the doctor is that it won't be a quick fix like when you have bronchitis or broken arm; just take this and it will clear up, put the cast on and wait 6 weeks and it will be fine. Obviously that is not always the case with things, but that's the problem because it always has been for me. I will admit that I have lead a charmed life. I don't get sick. I can probably count on one hand the times that I have gone to the doctor because I was so sick in the last 12 years. I just don't really get sick and if I do than I am going to fix the problem, not somebody that spends 5 minutes with me and tells me to take cough syrup and I'll be fine! I could have done that without paying you dang it! I am pretty stubborn and bullheaded! I haven't had any major difficulties or struggles in life, things tend to go very well for me in whatever I try and do, as not humble as that sounds. It's been pretty easy, until now.
I don't want to sound super dramatic and woo is me here, but this has been the hardest thing that I have gone through. To sit and watch people be not pregnant, get pregnant, and have a baby all in the time that you have been trying to get pregnant. Or to have people ask you "When are you having kids?" or "Don't you want to have one too?" or "Don't wait too long!" without breaking down or wanting to smack them, is a little hard too. Or to let your friend know that you have been trying and to joke that she, who has only been married for a month, will probably get pregnant first only to have her call you a few months later and say that she is due in April. Or to check your Facebook and count how many people you know that are pregnant and end up with a double digit number.
And this on top of coming from a family of 13, knowing that my own mother obviously didn't have any fertility problems, and where one of your sister in laws get's pregnant every other month (that's right there's four of them pregnant right now, all due within a few months of each other), and being terrified to face my own family in a few weeks because I know that I am going to have to face all of these pregnant women, and all of the questions and looks from my family that don't know about this, of "Why don't you have a baby yet?" as well as from people that I grew up with asking the same questions.
And trying so hard not to feel angry when you see someone at church holding their baby or playing with their baby or talking about an eternal family. Or living in Atlanta, knowing how many people here have baby mama or baby daddy drama (if you really want me to explain this, just let me know and I can elaborate). Or listening to people on tv talk about abortion and a woman's right to choose to take the power of procreation so lightly and then say it's their right to sleep with anyone they want and not have a consequence of their action.

Like I said, a real downer post. :) Am I ready to admit it yet that I have a problem that I can't just try harder to fix? Am I going to have to finally put the charmed life away?

So anyway, the reason that I finally decided to post this. Please don't think that I do not have faith that something will happen for me to be able to have a baby, or that I haven't been praying about this or the ability to have strength to face this and to know what to do, etc. I probably should have posted about this first so that people don't think that I am just angry all of the time. I'm not and I have had amazing experiences that let me know that Heavenly Father knows what I am going through and that everything will be alright. I just needed to vent the last 16 months to help me get past it and move onto the next phase. Right, so anyway, from talking to a few people, I found out about this book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and they recommended it. I didn't really think about it, just assumed that I would get pregnant eventually, try harder, my motto. So I was at a thrift store looking for books for school and I found a copy of it for $3.00 so I got it. I read it and thought ,"Yes this is the answer to my prayers right here! I will try harder but also smarter! No doctor yet!" So I read most of the book, I am learning how to chart using Fertility Awareness Method, etc. Like I said before, I tired doing ovulation predictors, basal temperature, but I never noticed any sort of trend and especially with my temperatures, there was no pattern, they were all over the place. I just started my fist cycle of charting a few days ago and I'm noticing that my temperatures are still all over the place and not following a pattern like they are supposed to. I am trying really hard to not freak out and just to keep trying to get more information from my chart this month, because when I can learn a lot about my body from that information. But, it finally kind of hit me this morning that I might finally have to admit that there is a problem and I can't fix it myself. In writing this post, I have been crying a lot trying to just deal again and Richard just asks, "What's wrong? Is it what it always is?" meaning, are you crying about this again? And I know it kills him because he can't fix the problem either and he really doesn't know how to handle me crying besides, just hugging me and letting me cry and then letting me be by myself, which is actually exactly what he needs to do when I cry! Anyways, so there you have it. I will leave you with one last thought that I keep coming back to as I have been going through this, something that somebody said at church that has stuck with me: "I couldn't get upset because I had done everything in my power to solve the problem and now it was in the Lord's hands." So now I have to admit that I haven't done everything I could yet. I have to go to the doctor and do everything there that I can and humble myself and stop being so stubborn so that the Lord can bless me with experiences that will help me grow.